


So in Love that you Act Insane

by RobinsonsWereHere



Category: Psych
Genre: (bc I'm not caught up and I just finished s7), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, F/M, Feels, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Justified Anger, Post-breakup, Romance, Shules, Songfic, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but i guess implied resolution?, depending on how you feel about sparring, do not spar with juliet while she's angry, i wrote this like. right before they got back together, no real resolution, okay now i'm going on a tangent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinsonsWereHere/pseuds/RobinsonsWereHere
Summary: Shawn Spencer was never a perfect boyfriend. He didn't listen to Juliet, he went against her explicitly stated wishes, he made things much more complicated than they had to be. But she loved him. She had for years, long before she actually told him. And she'd thought they were making progress- growing together, changing for the better, overcoming fears and hesitations.And then she found out he lied. About everything.(Well, not everything. But the first thing he'd ever told her had been a lie. So how much could she believe?)The worst part, to Juliet anyway, is that she still loves him.





	So in Love that you Act Insane

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to The Way I Loved You, soon after watching 7x09, and I felt like the frustrated wanting, the desire for something that used to be, fit well with Juliet's feelings in that episode. So this is set ambiguously post-7x09.

_You were wild and crazy_   
_Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated,_   
_got away by some mistake_

Juliet throws punch after punch at her partner, who blocks each blow and returns one of his own. Jab. Cross. Uppercut. “I can’t fucking believe him,” she growls, twisting to add a kick that would have shattered Carlton’s tibia had he not stepped away. She balances by grabbing his arm and driving an elbow into his bicep. “But the thing is, I’m mostly mad at myself.”

“Why? It’s not your fault Spencer’s a dick.” He gets her in a headlock.

Juliet drives an elbow into Carlton’s gut. “He is! So why the hell am I not over him?”

Winded, her partner has no response. Juliet keeps ranting and punching. “I should be pissed as hell! I should be too angry to speak to him! I should _not_ wish he was staying every time he walks away!”

A particularly fast uppercut lands solidly on Carlton’s jaw and sends him flying backwards. Lying on the floor, he holds up his hands in surrender. “O’Hara,” he pants, “as much as it pains me to say this, I think you’re still in love with him.”

Juliet makes a noise of frustration that isn’t quite a scream and turns to take her anger out with force on the nearest punching bag. 

_I miss screaming and fighting_   
_And kissing in the rain_   
_It’s two am and I’m cursing your name_   
_You’re so in love that you act insane_   
_And that’s the way I loved you_

Juliet lies in her bed, sweaty and breathless and worked up from her dream. Alone in the dark, she’s not afraid to admit that she misses Shawn, in more ways than one. If he were here, he would kiss her and tease her and drive her crazy. But he isn’t here.

Groaning into the shadows, she recalls events from earlier in the day.

_Shawn appearing beside her before a briefing, reaching for her hand, her yanking it away. “Shawn. Please stop touching me. If you grab me again I will break your wrist.”_

It’s so unfair that he can keep reaching for her when all she wants to do is reach back. But if she can’t let herself be comforted by his touch, than he shouldn’t draw comfort from hers.

_Heading for the locker rooms with Carlton. Admitting that she did still love Shawn. Carlton asking, once again, what had caused the breakup in the first place. “I can’t tell you that, Carlton. I’m sorry. It’s personal.”_

God, why is she keeping Shawn’s secrets? Why hadn’t she gone immediately to the chief and exposed Shawn for who he really was?

She knows the answer.

It’s because she still loves him.

Juliet gives up on sleep and reaches to turn on the bedside lamp, hoping to read some of her book. But it’s Shawn’s side of the bed and his nightstand is still messy and the drawer is half open- when she reaches over, her elbow lands in the drawer and knocks it out of the shelf and to the ground.

A false bottom pops open, and the contents spill onto the floor. 

Juliet kneels to pick them up, barely processing what she’s seeing. A hotel room key card for a hotel in Vancouver. The specials menu from the restaurant he’d taken her to for their first official date. Tickets to ScareFest, a pineapple good luck charm she’d given him… a sparkling diamond ring. She gasps.

_Since when has he had this? Why do I care? Was he planning on proposing? Well, he can’t now, we’re not even dating-_

Juliet feels like she’s close to losing it with the conflicting emotions in her mind. She screams in frustration, hurls the ring across the room, and then retrieves it and prepares to get dressed.

_Breaking down and coming undone_   
_It’s a roller coaster kinda rush_   
_And I never knew I could feel that much_   
_And that’s the way I loved you_

After Woody’s airstream had been full-out stolen, Shawn had caved and gone to stay with his dad. This means Henry is the one to answer the insistent knocking at two in the morning, while Shawn lies awake, overwhelmed by regret. He hates nights the most; he has to lie still and there’s nothing for him to do, no way to get away from the memories and confusion and hurt.

Downstairs, he can hear his dad talking quietly to whoever it is, but he can’t make out the words. He’s surprised when the visitor knocks softly on his door, and even more surprised when he opens said door to find Juliet.

“Jules,” he breathes.

“Shawn,” she answers. She sounds close to tears. He doesn’t want her to cry. “Shawn… I have been trying, so hard, to be mad at you. Hell, I am mad at you. I’m mad at you for lying and for how you handled it after you lied and for how we’ve both ruined that great thing we had going. But… I still love you.”

Shawn gapes. “Seriously?”

She nods, swallowing hard. Her blue eyes sparkle with tears. “I do. I love you. I can’t quite trust you yet… but I think I could start trying- trying to rebuild whatever we had… make it something new. Because I don’t think even you would buy an engagement ring for someone you were only planning on lying to, on using.”

While he’s still gaping, Juliet pulls the ring he’d left hidden in his nightstand from her pocket. She takes his hand in hers, then opens it and presses the ring into his palm. “Take it. Keep it. And maybe… maybe if we don’t screw this up again, if we can get back to- no, better than where we were, maybe one day you’ll find a use for it.”

Shawn nods slowly. He really, _really_ wants to kiss her, but he doesn’t dare. Instead, he slowly withdraws his hand from hers and pockets the ring. “I’m sorry, Jules. I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

Juliet shakes her head. “I don’t want to do this right now, Shawn. We can do explanations and apologies in the morning. Right now…” she looks up at him, scared and vulnerable. “Could you just hold me?”

Shawn pulls her close, and then they lay on his bed, squished together by necessity. Juliet, her eyes still closed, tilts her head up and kisses him gently. Shawn freezes.

“I love you,” he whispers when the kiss ends. Jules doesn’t say anything; she only burrows deeper into his arms. For the first night in weeks, Shawn falls asleep happy. After all, he’s always known that he won’t be happy without Juliet.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I enjoy getting comments and kudos!


End file.
